Break Rule #22 or You Are Not a Real Roadie

by Chikashi

Most roadies know or at least heard of The Rules. The Keepers of the Cog wrote them with their tongues firmly in cheek. It is an entertaining read. It’s a cycling classic. The problem with these things is that they sometimes get the unimaginative and humourless ones all earnest about some or all of the Rules. The one that regularly comes up in a variety of channels, including those containing articles written by people paid to write them, is Rule #22.

I’m sure that some of those authors also have their tongues firmly in cheek when they mention it. However, I suspect that some are rather earnest. If things get repeated often enough, it’s bound to become gospel to the unenlightened.

Rule #22 states:

Cycling caps are for cycling.

Cycling caps can be worn under helmets, but never when not riding, no matter how hip you think you look. This will render one a douche, and should result in public berating or beating. The only time it is acceptable to wear a cycling cap is while directly engaged in cycling activities and while clad in cycling kit. This includes activities taking place prior to and immediately after the ride such as machine tuning and tire pumping.  Also included are cafe appearances for pre-ride espressi and post-ride pub appearances for body-refueling ales (provided said pub has sunny, outdoor patio – do not stray inside a pub wearing kit or risk being ceremoniously beaten by leather-clad biker chicks).   Under these conditions, having your cap skull-side tipped jauntily at a rakish angle is, one might say, de rigueur. All good things must be taken in measure, however, and as such it is critical that we let sanity and good taste prevail: as long as the first sip of the relevant caffeine or hop-based beverage is taken whilst beads of sweat, snow, or rain are still evident on one’s brow then it is legitimate for the cap to be worn. However, once all that remains in the cranial furrows is salt, it is then time to shower, throw on some suitable aprés-ride attire (a woollen Molteni Arcore training top circa ’73 comes to mind) and return to the bar, folded copy of pastel-coloured news publication in hand, ready for formal fluid replacement. It is also helpful if you are a Giant of the Road, as demonstrated here, rather than a giant douchebag.

In a normal world, I would read articles mentioning the above rule, be amused and move on. If some seem rather earnest, it is of no consequence.

However, we no longer live in a normal world.

Baseball caps are bloody everywhere.

They have infiltrated the pro-cycling circuit by being presented as ‘podium hats’. Bleedin’ blasphemy.

In any case, anyone who refers to caps as hats must be treated with the same suspicion as a man who wears his tie in a so-called full Windsor knot or a man who wears brown shoes with a navy suit. Not. To. Be. Trusted.

They make the 3 highest ranking cyclists of the moment look like under-nourished 18-wheeler drivers.

They are standing in front of global media channels, with their images beamed to all corners of the world.

Wearing baseball caps instead of cycling caps.

Nobody complains about all those people going about their business wearing baseball caps outside a baseball field. Some even wear a baseball cap with a lounge suit — if you have never seen such a specimen, go visit North America where there are plenty of them and other exotic species.

However, roadies are not supposed to wear cycling caps off the bike? And, what, wear baseball caps instead?

I don’t think so.

You’re not a real roadie if you are not habitually breaking Rule #22. You’re just a poseur.

I’m totally and utterly serious.

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