Group Cycling Trip: Packing the Right Chamois Cream

by Chikashi

By and large, there are two kinds of cycling trips one can do. The first is where you apply arse butter before you leave home. The other entails a bit of travelling by means other than bicycle to get to the starting point and requires that you pack your arse butter so that you can apply it once you have reached the starting point, for instance, in another country. I have come to the conclusion that different circumstances MAY require different chamois creams, namely, in the way they are packaged.

Arse butters tend to be sold in one of two container types, pots or tubes.

If, as in the first kind of jaunts, you apply the ointment at home, it matters not what sort of container houses the said ointment. If, as in the latter kind of jollies, you need to apply it off site, then you need to further consider whether you are on a solo trip or you will be cycling in the company of others. If you are riding solo, then there is no need to ponder the container type.

If you will be on a group ride, then you may wish to give the pot-or-tube question some thought, particularly if you are currently not riding all the other riders on the trip. The question takes on a different dimension if you are on a trip that lasts several days.

Everyone knows someone that turns up at drinks parties without his or her own cigarettes and keeps bumming them off everyone the entire evening. Similalry, it is inevitable that one or two (or three) of the other riders will turn up without his or her own arse butter and goes round every morning asking others for a portion. Now, as a potential benefactor, would you feel better sharing out of a pot or a tube? Phase 2: double-dipping in a pot, or two squeezes of a tube? I know what my preference is.

It is one of those things that does not really come to mind until you are faced with the situation. Or, afterwards, when you start recounting the number of fingers that have been inside your pot of Ass.os arse butter. You could conceivably view it as slightly kinky, but if you feel a tingle in your bollocks, it might not be for a good reason.